


The Muppet Show Yuletide 2012 Reunion!

by queenoffruits



Category: American Singers RPF, The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Music, Comedy, Embedded Video, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:33:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenoffruits/pseuds/queenoffruits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a special Muppet Show for Christmas Eve, 2012, but will Kermit feeling his age put a stop to the show!? Christmas, memes, Muppets and songs!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Time To Raise The Curtains

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mithrigil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mithrigil/gifts).



> I've been having minuscule issues with embedded video and AO3 myself, but if the videos aren't there, refreshing the page once seems to solve the problem for me. Let it be known that the following chapters have one video each: 1, 4, 5, 7, 9, and 10. The final chapter has two videos.

[Dr dr dr dr dr dr dr dr dr dr dr dr dr drum roll!]

 :  It's the Muppet Show Yuletide 2012 Reunion! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

[Warning~! Video punchline spoilers below...!]

 

 

 

 

 

 

[That spoiler is still further down here!] 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[I warned you!] 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 : [Rickroll'd! Stares at his trumpet in shock]

 : I can't believe they went there.

 : What are you talking about? This show was always known for bad jokes!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 : Hi there and welcome to The Muppet Show! We're all very excited because we have a wonderful show for you tonight, and the first one in a very, very long time! Now, without further ado, let's begin the show!


	2. Muppet Labs Experiment TR-07707070707

[Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! Beepbeepbeep boop boooooop! It's the Muppet Labs set, full of dials and levers and little doodads!]

: Fiddle fiddle, tinker ... [Back to the audience, Bunsen snaps to attention and turns around!] Ooh! Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs, where the future was being made 30 years ago. You might remember such cutting edge scientific breakthroughs as the edible paperclip, the nuclear powered electric shaver, and the 80s cell phone. We are responsible for most of those, and at least one of them is still in wide use today.

: As of late, we here at Muppet Labs have been working in a cutting edge, new field of science. What is it, you ask? Quantum Physics? No. String Theory? Not at all! No, the new field we've been working in is none other than ... troll physics, a revolutionary new form of physics filled with promises of incredible potential! Imagine...

: [Walks onto camera and pulls down a projector screen.]

: [Pulls out a clicker and presses the button!] Zero emission vehicles!

 

: [Click!] Traveling at the speed of light!

 

: [Press!] Doing away with world hunger and poverty!!

 

: But today we will unveil none other than the Holy Grail of physics: the Perpetual Motion Machine! Beaker, bring in the prop, if you would~

: [One grueling step at a time, Beaker shoves onto screen a big series of pipes with a water wheel in the middle, and ... magnets stuck onto it?] Miii... miii... miiiii... !

 

: Muppet Labs' Perpetual Motion Machine will all the energy the world could ever need and more, and it's 100 percent harmless to the environment! You see, by pouring a special iron fortified solution into this pipe and gravity and magnetism do the rest, pushing this water wheel. Just attach the wheel to a generator, and viola! But don't take my word for it. Seeing is believeing! That's the scientist way! Beaker, the iron fortified solution, please!

Mii mii! [Ducks under the table and pulls out a bottle of mineral water and a bottle of iron supplement pills. Chewable! Into the bottle goes one of those pills, and he starts pouring it down the pipe!]

[Bunsen and Beaker stare at the pipes expectantly.]

 

[Wait for it. Wait for it.]

 

[Nothing...]

 

[Wait! What? What? It's... it's working. It's really But working! Water is pouring out of the top top pipe and spinning the wheel! The muppets cheer!]

[Wait why is it starting to glow--BOOOOM! Cheer muppets get thrown to the floor behind their laboratory counter top to find ... what's this? After the explosion, where there was once a machine, there was now a swirly portal of photoshop filter made magic~]

[Bunsen and Beaker stand up to look at what they've done, faces and lab coats blackened with soot.]

: Mii mii miiiii.

: You cannot "break science." There's a perfectly logical explanation for this, we just don't understand it yet, Beaker. ... Now, try putting the bottle in that portal.

: Mii mii mii?

: Yes, I'm sure it's perfectly safe... [Side glance. Bunsen edges back.]

: [Tosses the bottle into the portal. It disappears without a trace.]

: Ahem! Behold ... the ... new Muppet Labs Garbage Disposal!

: Well there was one part of that I liked?

: You liked some part of that???

: Just the part where they got blown up~!


	3. Good Times ?

[Backstage]

: Well who'd have known it, Beaker wasn't the only one to get hurt for once, huh? I hope they're both okay. Beaker's in another act tonight, too. Poor guy.

: I'll help him get cleaned up real quick. [Scooter scooters off~]

: Gosh it's been a long time since we've done the show.

: [Off stage] And good thing too!

: [Way up in their balcony seats~] But then I guess we aren't allowed to have nice things! Just tickets to this show!

: [Sighs] ... for being old men they sure have good hearing.

: Yeah. But, a long time? No it hasn't. We did The Muppets.

: Buy the Blu-Ray & DVD combo pack! [ ;D ] For moi~

: Well that's true but really, what year was the last time The Muppet Show was on TV?

: Well if I remember right it was ... 1981. The U.S. President had just gone from Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan.

: And the Academy Award Winning best picture was Ordinary People~

: Don't remember it.

: And the #1 song on the charts was ... Blondie's Call Me.

: ... yeah, good times.

: **_Yeah. Good times._**

: So much has happened in the last 30 years.

: The Cold War ended.

: There was the [Chick-fil-A break up.](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/23/jim-henson-company-chick-fil-a-anti-gay_n_1694809.html) *

: What's amazing to me is what **hadn't** happened yet. Return of the Jedi hadn't even come out.

: Oh my gosh ... it really has been over thirty years. That's such a long time. Guys ... **we're so old now.**

: What? No no no no no, I am not _old._

: Well now, it happens to everyone. Try not to worry about it so much Kermit.

: Yeah, Kermit. If you turn **blue** how can you perform "It's Not Easy Being **Green** " ? Huuh? Huuuh?

[Groans all around~]


	4. Carol Of the Bells




	5. The War On Christmas

: [Walks onto stage] Alright everyone, and now for a very special guest and friend of ours, we've been on his show, and now he's on ours. Everyone, Mr. Jon Stewart. [Absconds from the stage as the curtain rises...]

: [... rises for puppet Jon Stewart!] Good evening everyone and welcome to the Daily Show. I am your host, Jon Stewa--Oh, what? My staff is informing that I am on the Muppet Show and the host is Kermit the Frog. I'm sorry, you know, you do one show for years and years aaaaand you form a few habits. My producers are also informing me that this physical form of mine is made mostly out of fabric and craft foam.

: Now Christmas is just around the corner. Now, I don't really care, what with, you know, the whole Jew thing. But there are people who care very much, at least according to those who, year after year, insist upon there being a "War On Christmas."

: ... this War on Christmas...

: War on Christmas.

: A War On Christmas [Crushed by a falling Christmas tree]

: What I see here is an all out War On Christmas, and who's leading the charge? Who else but the atheists and the gays, tearing down nativity scenes and ... donning their **gay apparel.**

: Was that an amateur Stephen Colbert Muppet? ... Because that looked good!

: You know, always have a hard time believing this whole War On Christmas thing, because I am thoroughly convinced that if there is a war going on? **Christmas is the aggressor nation.**

: Can any of you go outside to your local town square or, heck, walk down your street without seeing christmas lights blaring like a tinsel bomb went off? **Because, if so, where do you live?** And do you need a room mate?

: You know, nation, I can only seem to recall one other program, another from Comedy Central, that portrays the military side of Christmas ... Futurama.

: This toy shop's going to war!

: You know I find it really funny that in the present day the spirit of Christmas is linked to a religious zombie avatar, but in the future that priviledge goes to Judaism.

***

[Backstage]

: Thanks for coming on the show tonight, Jon. It was great to have you.

: Oh don't mention it, Kermit. You know, it's not as if I'm doing anything, it's just... Christmas. I don't do much for it. You know ... eat some Chinese food, go see a movie.

: Hahaha ... I guess so, but still, we really appreciate it.

: You're welcome. Hey, Kermit, has something got you down?

: Ohh ... well ... you know, I'm just thinking about the old days. Things are just so different than they used to be, you know?

: Well, some things are and some things aren't. Some things are better than they used to be. Twenty years ago no one had cellphones; we all used payphones if we were out and needed to make a call and if you didn't have any change you were out of luck and had to rely upon the kindness of strangers.

: Well, that's true ... [But he didn't seem in much better spirits.]

: You hang in there, Kermit. You'll be fine. Don't be blue, be green.

: Great, it's a reoccurring gag ...

: Happy holidays, Kermit.

: Happy holidays, Jon.


	6. The Internet Is A Scary Place

: [Kermit comes onto stage with a bit of down meekness, less hop and pep in his step.] Hello again everyone. We've got a fun little act coming for you next, the one and only, Miss Piggy.

[Frog leaving stage, curtains coming up. The scene? The back of a computer monitor and Miss Piggy sitting there using it, smile on her face]

: Hehehehehe, ohh, the internet is amazing! I just love Youtube. I can watch all these great videos of me, and Kermy, and **me and Kermy** ~ ... Though the quality's a little grainy at times. [Grumble.]

: [But her grumbling passes quickly into another grin and a swish of her curly hair] And there's **so much** to do on the internet! You can learn about all kinds of things on Wikipedea~ Like moi~! No "not notable" problem here~

: Yes yes, the internet is just full of people who love me~ They follow me on Twitter, and they want to be my friend on Facebook. Oh look! A new comment on that photo I posted last night~ Hee hee!

: [Reads]

: **[Rage]** "Not aware she's overweight!?" "Dresses as if she's 30 pounds lighter!?!!" Why I oughta ... mmmnnnnnnnghhhh!! [Spiteful arm flail! Take that, sky!] Hooooooh!! [She hisses, and begins typing out loud with clacking key presses.] " NOW SEE HERE, I AM NOT OVER WEIGHT. I AM A DIVA, AND BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH OUTRAGEOUS AND **UNREALISTIC** STANDARDS OF WOMEN WE CAN NO LONGER BE FACEBOOK FRIENDS! **DE-FRIENDED!** " Hmph! That'll show him!

: Oh look, he already replied. Well I won't accept any apologies. [Click. Reads aloud ...] "Don't you know that it's against the rules of the internet to type in caps-lock?" Rules? Rules of the internet? There are rules for the internet?

[15 minutes later ... ]

: So there are rules to the internet...? Well, he was still wrong about other things. Let's see here. What's Rule 34?

: Oh. Ohh, wooow. Now there is a good looking man. Hubba hubba. [click, click]

: [... click] Oh! Ohh! That is ... that's just disgusting! Oh I cannot -- **I am never using this dreadful thing again!** The internet is **horrible!**

: [Suddenly, Trekkie Monster peeks in from stage right!] Well Miss Piggy, **you knoooow** ... [Starts Singing!] The Internet Is For -- 

: HIIIIII-YAH [Charges forward! Karate chop to the plush furry face!]

: [Tumbles back off stage right!]

: [Runs off stage left, crying as she leaves...] Kermy! Kermyyyy! The internet is a scary place full of degenerate weirdoes!!

: You know, she's right about one thing. I like the internet.

: It sure has better entertainment than this!

***

[Backstage]

: I agree with Miss Piggy. The internet is a dreadful place, a hovel of culture where everyone talks about whatever they want and think other people, people who should be doing more productive things, want to hear what they have to say. What they had for lunch today. Their feelings on world affairs. What they think about the latest fads...! How egotistical!

: Uh, yeah. Hey, what do you do around here again?

: I write editorials and opinion pieces!


	7. Goes With The Great Gonzo

: I'm telling you guys, I'm going to be internet famous . 

: Gonzo, you're already famous. You don't need to be an internet celebrity.

: But I can be one. In addition to what I already am! Because I've got it figured out. I know what the internet wants. I've got a secret weapon so hip it's from the '90s!

***

: Ladies and gents, I present to you the one, the only, Gonzo the Great.

: [Backstage] You know, I think the internet is more of a cute animals person myself.


	8. Where Do All the People Go?

[Kermit the Frog here, back stage, in his office between shows, clicking around on Wikipedia.]

: Lena Horne, passed away in 2010 ... Peter Ustinov, 2004. ... Harvey Korman, 2008. When you get older you really do know so many people who aren't with you any more. Well, most of the old guests are still alive, but they're at least as old as we are. Ohh. [He hops off his seat] Well, I better go introduce the next act.


	9. Sleigh Ride

: And now with an encore of one of our older musical numbers, Rowlf the Dog and Fozzie Bear.


	10. A Breath Of Fresh Air

[During Fozzie's act, Kermit was back stage.]

: Hey, Scooter, I'll be back soon. I... think I need to go get some fresh air. Go on a walk.

: Whatever you say, boss.

: [Putting on a winter coat, Kermit the Frog sulks out the back door of the theater and out the snowy alley and into the city streets outside. He trods through the snow, sometimes looking up from the sidewalks thick with cold white to stare at businesses, most of them closed for the evening this Christmas Eve.]

: Ohh ... that old cake shop closed. [Sigh] Stores, old haunts~ Restraunts you liked. Just like the people, they start disappearing as you grow old ... where do they all go...? Eep! [Kermit startled as he came to a corner and bumped into an old man.] Oh, I'm sorry, sir, I should pay more attention to where I'm going--Mr. Johnny Mathis?

: No, no, it's my fault to--Kermit? It's been so long. Merry Christmas.

: [The frog looked up at the old man, and after a second it dawned on him.] Mr. Johnny Mathis...! Merry Christmas.

: Now Kermit, you don't sound very merry. What's wrong? You look blue, not green.

: That joke again ... ? Well, you might think it's silly, Mr. Mathis--

: Please, call me Johnny. And try me. I'm sure it's not as silly as you think.

: Johnny. Well, no offense, you're older than me, so you'd understand. You know, I'm in my 50s now, and it's really starting to dawn on me how old I am ... how much things have changed, how many people and places are gone and ... only in my memory now, and that ... it makes me glum.

: No offense taken Kermit, and ... that's not silly. That's only natural. For humans and, uh, frogs too.

: You know we Muppets do so few shows lately. There was a time when all the children knew our names, but now I doubt that's true any more. But this isn't about the fame. It's just sad to see everything is changing.

: Well, not everything that changes is bad. You know, I grew up in San Francisco in the '40s. I know you were very young during the 50s and 60s, but, well, I was a young adult during the civil rights movement, and I know the changes that came about then were good.

: [Sullen, but thoughtful.] Well, that's true for sure.

: And you know ... not everything changes. [Johnny points at a TV screen in a window playing a Christmas special, a family in the movie all together next to a fire, and begins to sing...]

: ... you're right. Yeah. You're right. [Kermit picks up his head, and smiles.] Thank you, Mr. Mathis. [Kermit jolts] Uh-oh, I lost track of the time! I need to get back to the show! [He begins to run in place as he turns around to hurry and hippity hop his way back...!] You can come if you want, Mr. Mathis.

: Sure. I'd enjoy watching the rest of the show, but I think I'll do it from the audience tonight, if it's all the same to you.


	11. Merry Christmas, And A Happy New Year

[Back at the theater, backstage.]

: Guys, guys, where is Kermit!? Has anybody seen Kermit? He's the star of the next act and he's nowhere to be found!

: You just leave everything to me. I'll buy us some time. [Runs out onto stage]

[ BOO ]

: Good evening everyone, Merry Christmas, Fozzie Bear here **bear** ing the gift of laughter!!

: This guy is un **bear** able.

: Sinking to his level now, are you?

: It's just too easy to take the cheap shot.

: So, what do you get when you cross a **bell** with a **skunk**?

[ ... ]

: Christmas **Smells**! Waka waka waka!

[ BOO ]

: How about this one then? What kind of pine has the sharpest needles?

[ CRICKET ... CRICKET ]

: A porcu **pine** ! Huuuh? Huuuuuuh? [ :D ? ]

[ **BOO** ]

: Um. What did Santa suffer from after he got stuck in a chimney?

[ **BOO** ]

: **Claus** trophibia!

[ Groan ]

: Okay I've got a few more still--

[And now the snacks are being hurled at the stage. Fozzie flees!]

: Alright is he back yet? [ D: ]

: [Bursts through the back door!] Sorry I'm late everyone! Where are we at in the schedule?

: It's time for **you** to sing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas! Hurry, the audience is getting restless!

[And so the curtain rises one last time...]

[And applause from the crowd!]

: Thank you, thank you everyone, Merry Christmas! What? Do you want another number? Wellll ... alright! Everyone, get out here on stage!

: Merry Christmas, and a happy new year, everyone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Mithrigil,
> 
> Thank you for your delightful prompts. It's a treat when you get your yuletide assignment and find you have your pick of almost every prompt in the pool~ I had a lot of fun working on this fic, and I hope it brings you a smile.
> 
> This was definitely something ... different to write. Outside of bad puns, a lot of the comedy of the Muppets is in sheer visual silliness, and when I started writing I thought doing something in a script like format might work best, but something actually like a script would be too dry. In the end, I spruced it up with some images and a more silly, off the cuff style that I'm sure would make some people burst a blood vessel ... the whole fic looks like it came out of a LiveJournal/Dreamwidth RP. Sometimes I feel like I copped out by having entire "chapters" that are Muppet musical numbers that already existed, but without some singing Muppets the whole fic just couldn't possibly feel right~!
> 
> Happy holidays to you, Mithrigil, and anyone else reading this!


End file.
